Well, I'm fucked.
To start with, i can't get the shittiest idea of what, the obsessions. I mean, why is the human brain able to create such monsters? Obsessions have fucked my life up, my obsessions yeah, but it's not me who created them. Was it God? Is there God? Or is there god? Or isn't there any? A friend of mine said to me that she doesn't believe in the existance of God (or god..) 'cos he (or she...) would get bored dealin' with this shit happenin' on earth and just stop existing. So whether there was God (or god...) some day, then he (or she...) won't be existing anymore according to the theory of my friend. But no botherin', who actually gives a shit about this shit?
Back to obsessions, which have screwed up my life. I can't get this, how can a mentally sick idea screw up a whole life? Life is many things - sex, fun, food... well yeah, the deeper side of life - feelings, purposes, responsibilities, affections, desires, obsessions, - did i just say obsessions? Oh well, ain't it nice. It now seems to be a part of life it is convincingly destroying. Oh wait, i think i've heard 'bout this shit before... something is a part of something that the first something is actually destroying. Obsessions = life = obsessions? o.O Please no. It seems like there's nothing that i could do 'bout that except learning to play the game of life. It's a hard game, but if well-played it gives good results. Those results are like those obsessions... or those results ARE those obsessions. Life fucks minds. So does listenin' to MGMT durin' writin'. Cool shit is cool.
I went to this chill side of the whole thingy, but heeey i still can't get it. I have waisted my emotions, so this talk is chillio, not like this deep estonian shit i usually do in my bloggy-wobby. But this thing is serious. I'm not a free soul. I'm stuck with my obsessions and hesitation. In some ways, I have developed so fast that I can't keep up to the speed; on the other hand, I'm the one who has left behind the speed. My contemporaries seem to be so much younger than me - by appearance and by worldview as well. And I hate that it bothers me, but it does. I feel older, but I'm not. And I'm stuck with my age. It's a dead circle I'm circlening around. Great English, bro, keep it up.
Well, I'm fucked.
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