Everything in its right place

How could I possibly forget about the main thing? I mean how things roll these days. 'cos I have lost my way in reality. I never learn, "that's how i roll" has taken a meaning that everyone who's communicating with me should be afraid of it. My life now rolls in circles that should be thrown away a long time ago already. And what can I do about it? I never learn, I never change deep inside. I never say never but facing the reality: some things just never happen. It hurts saying it, but you've got to face the reality at some point. For years I have lived without knowing what the hell is reality - this year it came all back to me, shattered dreams not as beautiful as they seemed. Oh btw, why I started writing the whole thing - I may think I might act like a boy and I do, but thinking and realising things like a boy is quite unacceptable in a society of girls. First of all, why do girls hate each other and wish the worst things to happen with other girls? Because they wanna be the same. Girls hate girls prettier than they are, an old truth. But not just girls, friends also or whatever they call friends. What I like about boys is that the idea of a friend is absolutely different. Why bother yourself hating your friend because of the size of his fallos? He's got bigger and so? Maybe you've got more intelligence than he does? I just totally hate how girls make a big deal out of nothing. Almost nothing. But what I know is that when I should give a birth to a child some day, then I hope it won't be girl, 'cos otherwise she would be raised as a neuter creep. Something what I am. But not that I want to be like this, it's just I understand boys more than girls. There are exceptions, like for any thing in life, but this is what I have figured out lately. I cannot behave like a girl at hundred percent. No matter how I try, I can't.
So for conclusion, who freaked out reading this, I do not think I should be a boy, physically. I would just like the society accept my manly behaviour. But this itself sounds bad. I'm not some kind of a transsexual or something, it's just... I wonder why. I want boys as friends, I want boys as fuckbuddies, I want them as lovers, I want them as partners, I want them as everything. I don't like the society of women. I like men. The end.